THE FORGOTTEN: KING KONG LIVES(Script)
Play theme(“Torn Jeans” Medium)
There we’re a ton of Kong films(the 1933 original, Son of Kong, Escape of Kong, Kink Kong(?) King Kong V Godzilla) before the 1976 remake. That film was a less serious more campy version of the 1933 original. It’s noted as being Jessica Lange’s 1st (major) lead role. In interviews for the 1976 film the filmmakers wanted to remake (the 1933 film) but want make their own version completely different(what?!). So they had it take place in modern day(at the time) and change the characters names but more importantly the tone was different. Other than that both are really similar. Despite the camp factor it was a huge hit. On a budget of 24 million(100 million now) it made 90 million(uh 350 million?) so yeah making sequel…well no, considering the ending it still wouldn’t make any sense!
This film came out in 1986 so I don’t remember much about it before re-watching it this time. Apparently me, my older brother and our cousins saw this at the theater instead of “52 Pickup”. Did we make the right decision? Let’s find out! (Opening Credits)Okay DEG produced the “76” film and this. WAITAMINUTE! DEG as in Dino De Laurentiis? So which Dino is this? The Deadzone, Serpico, Death Wish and Flash Gordon Dino or the Mandingo, Dune or Red Sonja Dino? (show The Maximum Overdrive poster) GAH DAMMIT!
The movie begins with how the last ended. With Kong taking Dawhn(Gah that is such a stupid name) to the top of the world. He get’s shot down unfortunately(JoJo’s To Be continued). I imagine him thinking here “ugh, I should’ve had a V-8!” and yes, yes it’s very sad as we fade to black….ONLY to skip to 10 years later! Apparently Kong never died he’s just been kept alive for the last decade, for reasons. Money(?), fame(?), medicine(?)the film doesn’t tell us why at this point. Well it seems Kong needs a artificial heart AND a blood transfusion.
We then segue to some unnamed island were some jerk adventurer is talking to his ass, (I don’t know why, this film isn’t giving any reason why any of this is happening)! This leads to the introduction of lady Kong and a ridiculous chase scene(play Yakkety Sax or Scooby Doo chase music), the jerk is saved by natives we never saw him interact with before. Which leads to him making a deal with the hospital to send lady Kong to the states.
Q: How do they know he’s not BS’ing them? As far as we know no-one has sent them any pics of lady Kong. For all they know he could be full of crap.
Well jerk-a and lady kong arrive and we discover the origin of “the resting bitch face”(Lynda Hamilton looking at him). *God damn we’re only 10mins in* You can feel the chemistry just igniting between them. It’s never a good sign when the 2 humans have less chemistry than the human and a monkey!(“B.J. and the bear” and “Every which way but loose” as examples)
N-E-WAY, over the next few minutes we see Kong waiting for his blood transfusion and artificial heart. The entire scene takes 5 MINUTES. It’s right here where we see the main problem with the film. It’s boring! Scenes are stretched beyond logical run times. There isn’t any tension in the this scene until the 4th minute of it. Well after the surgery’s an success we see people with champagne and gorilla masks celebrating. Uh, why? Within one min we jump from people celebrating in the streets to Lady Kong in chains to an incapacitated Kong. Well Kong wakes up only too uh, he’s not doing what I think he’s doing is he? Wait, now is Lady Kong doing the same thing too(orgasming)? Oh well he should’ve had taken some viagara. Then he would’ve lasted longer!
(Dear lord I’m only 30mins in.) The science club(institute, hospital) or whatever(!) and military figure the apes need to be further apart. Kong disagrees and breaks Lady Kong out(play romantic music). I will say this even though the action has been either lackluster or non existent this set piece is pretty good. The force perspective and green screen isn’t as noticeable and other effects are passable. This leads us to two humans trying to save the love birds(how?) and the military trying to kill them(why). We then cut to the love birds(the kong’s) resting at “Honeymoon Ridge”?! Really?! REALLY NOW?!! A bit too on the nose there. Well we spend the next few minutes watching Kong trying to tenderly get into lady kong’s pants! First he mistakes a snake for a pearl necklace and then tries to use his injury to get his swerve on(swerve? I feel almost ashamed for saying that…ALMOST!). Also just look at that face he’s giving. Yeah nothing impure about that!
Meanwhile over the next several minutes we see the dynamic duo getting shot at by the military, nearly fall down the a waterfall, get naked(play say music), peeping on the Kong’s, which leads to….oh well when in Rome. Oh, for crying out loud, these two have the sexual chemistry of a marshmallow and pickel!
Whatever, the military catches up with the Kong’s and take out lady kong. I think. I mean all apes they look the same right(that’s racist(cinema sins). What’s kong’s feeling on the matter? Aw Hell No!!!(pushing daisies) he goes ham on them and the army runs away and then tries to kill him. None of this makes any sense! Why capture one and not two. Why gas one down and then use lethal force on another also where on earth did this rainstorm come from so suddenly?!!!
*sigh* The dynamic duo get’s captured and then released(who really cares anymore). Later on Kong makes his way thru the swamp and has a moment with a toad and then eats a gecko that the film tries to tell us is an alligator! I call shenanigans on that! What’s her name develops a Kong sense(?), Kong becomes a creeper and 66 minutes into the film I begin to question my ultimate purpose in life!
Later a bunch of rednecks begin hunting Kong in really bad green screen. They actually prove competent and catch him only to begin acting like movie rednecks and get what’s coming to them. I gotta admit this revenge scene is awesome and hilarious. Apparently rednecks have an extra spicy taste to them because Kong is having a severe case of heartburn.
We learn from what’s her name that Kong’s heart is starting to give out. The reason she’s been chasing him is she’s able to fix it remotely via computer. (Wait is this the first case of wi-fi?) Whoops…well I guess that’s not going to happen now. Anyhoo the duo try to break lady kong but it was kinda pointless since King does it himself.
This leads us to a square-dance?! Wait doesn’t there supposed to be a an evacuation happening? Why are these people still here? Is that a bootleg Billy Bob Thornton? Well, we did see a questionable looking Roy Schieder look alike earlier! Why can’t anyone see, hear or feel Kong approaching? Are any of my questions going to get answered?! (no).
Okay we’re finally getting to the climax lady kong collapses it seems she’s preggers. Wait! When did they have sex? Was it during the same time the dynamic duo were boinking themselves? If so why didn’t they see it? Don’t get me wrong I didn’t want to see primate love making I’m just asking for uh, research! So Kong protects her and finally takes care of the general. He then proceeds to do his best Fred Sanford impresonation. Before he dies he get’s to see his child born. Is it a boy or girl? Well it’s…Harambe!?!
King get’s to see his son and holds him then passes away. We then segue to back into the jungle with lady kong and mini kong and roll credits. Wow that was abrupt. So no epilogue for the humans? No dialogue explaining what the hell the point of all this was? So the army is just fine killing kong but not lady kong or middie? Fine, whatever at least it’s over now!
This film was confounding. There was some really bad parts of but some really great and admirable parts as well. Before I get to the good let’s go over the bad.
The point of making this film didn’t make any sense: The original Kong film and heck the 1976 remake is a done in one movie. There wasn’t anywhere you could go with kong believably. You can tell just by the way the film is paced. There isn’t any reason given on why he was kept alive.
The special effects: There are times, A LOT OF TIMES where you can see the green screen. They look like a teaching in front of a projector. This crushes the illusion.
The pace and money shot scenes: Even though things are happening on screen the film just drags. You have two monsters and don’t do anything with them. A lot of the times they just sit around doing nothing. Which is the problem. When you monsters in a monster movie you need to have them fight other, well monsters. Having the military and a heart attack as the only antagonists doesn’t feel fair and just get’s boring after awhile.
The chemistry of the human leads: I would be able to forgive a lot to this films problems if I could’ve believed in the relationship of the main human characters. The sex scene seemed to come out of nowhere since I didn’t believe in their relationship by that point. I know John Ashton was supposed to be the Ahab character type but even his overbeariness in the part didn’t help. He was supposed to capture both apes and not kill them but he suddenly got a “mad-on” for Kong before Kong even killed anyone. All the other characters were pretty bland.
The special effects at times: The use of miniatures, force perspective and just regular practical effects were good at times. Usually when the Kong’s were supposed to go Ape uh, crazy. Even though the budget was smaller than the 1976 film they were able to stretch it in amazing ways. Just imagine if the apes didn’t fought against other monsters or robots instead of the military and some rednecks. The sfx team would’ve been able to go nuts and the film would’ve been 10 times better.
The Ape costumes: It’s the best part of the film. Even after 30 years they still look excellent. Also it’s pretty obvious that’s where most of the budget when. Because of this, the film keeps showing us the apes even when they aren’t doing anything. In fact they get more(better) character development than any of the human characters. Which leads me to -
Believe it or not the acting…when it comes to the apes anyway: Since the film-makers seemed to be trying to stretch the film for as long as they could they were forced(?) to focus on the burgeoning relationship with the Kong’s. The Kong actors did have a great chemistry. ANY emotion I got from the movie came from their scenes. The actors were able to pull off the funny, uncomfortably romantic and tragic moments well.
Despite it’s positives this is still a bad film that couldn’t get focus on where to go or how to get there. This was an unnecessary sequel to a re-make that people largely forgot about. Also no one was demanding for a sequel. It was tough to sit thru this movie because for large portions nothing interesting was happening. If you are going to have a monster movie you need to have that monster go up against a threat equal to it. If Kong didn’t have his alignment then the military wouldn’t have a chance against him. Heck even with it they didn’t have a chance. A bunch of rednecks were more useful than them!
The only way I could recommend this film is:
1. Don’t buy it watch it either on the internet or when it pops up on the television.
2. With a group of friends to rift with. Watching this alone in one sitting will make you go mad. Believe me I know.
Finally, I listed this as one of “THE FORGOTTEN” because most people don’t know that this movie even exists. I’m sure people will point out how reviewers a couple weeks prior to recent kong film reviewed or commented on this film but did you know this existed before then? A couple weeks after Skull Island when people talk about king kong films will you remember this film? Will people remember to put this film on the “KONG” list? Nope, and that’s why it’s on this list.
Ugh, you know this is the 5th film I’ve reviewed and there is only one that I would consider on re-watching(Friday Foster) for uh, reasons. I really need to find a film that’s good and fun to review as well, hmm…(play dynamite, dynamite jingle)…nope can’t think of one right now.
* AFTER CREDITS: Play beginning of 6 million dollar man intro while showing Kong in surgery*
*AFTER CREDITS: Play Fred Sanford calling for Elizabeth while having a fake heart Attack*
*AFTER CREDITS: Wait a minute, that’s not John Astin. (show John Ashton and Astin side by side) Now I can’t do a running Adams Family joke(play theme anyway)*
** On a side note: I didn’t like the 2005 King Kong film but if the first 45mins were removed it would’ve been a good film. Since the LOTR Peter Jackson seems unwilling to make a film 2 hrs and under. *